How to Ask a Girl Out Over Text – 3 Steps That Work

Want to know how to ask a girl out over text the right way?

The way that gets you a “Yes” text instead of a “Sorry, I’m busy” text.

Or even worse: dead silence.

Sure you do. And I’m about to spill some secrets that have worked wonders for both me and my coaches.

Some that I’ve frankly used for decades.

Imagine this:

You’re at your favorite lounge on a Friday evening. It’s been a long week and you’re grabbing some beers to refresh, recharge and generally just catch up.

As you turn around from the bar, you glance over and catch the eye of a beautiful girl. Holy shit, she is just your type.

You have the balls to go over and talk to her, and straight away she’s loving your vibe.

You get to know each other a little bit and hit it off.

After about an hour, her friends begin to drag her away. Despite your best efforts, she has to go with them.

She likes you so much that she gives you her number, kisses you on the lips and tells you “Text me tomorrow!”

‘Damn.’ You’re thinking to yourself. ‘That was awesome. She really liked me’

You head home later that night with a smile on your face, knowing that you’ve got a solid number from a beautiful girl you really liked.

Fast forward to 2 pm the next day, and you message her: “Hey it’s me. Was great to meet you last night. How are you? X’

Six hours later, she replies with something vague and elusive. A one or two word answer. Meh.

You message her again with something funny and high value.

She never responds. Damn. Did she even remember the deep connection you built last night?

Finally, you think ‘Screw it! She’s just playing hard to get.’ You message her and try to make plans.

No response. Tumbleweeds.

You constantly check your phone (despite the ringer being on) to make sure you don’t miss her reply…

…which never comes.

Can you relate to this scenario? I bet you can.

That’s cause this exact situation happens to hundreds of thousands of men on a daily basis.

And it’s frustrating as hell!

But why do these seemingly good interactions with women end up going nowhere?

She was attracted to you enough to give you her number. She liked you, right? So why wouldn’t she want to see you ?

Well here’s the thing: attraction will get you the number. But attraction alone won’t get you the date. 

You need to go a little deeper.

In this post, I’m going to show you how you can boost your success rate in getting girls from off the phone and onto a date. Including concrete, practical strategies that have worked for me for ages.

Go forth and do likewise.


The easiest way to ask a girl out over text is to not limit yourself to just texts.

Remember…it is a phone.

And phones make calls.

When the opportunity arises, I like to call girls over the phone when trying to ask her out. And if I can get them on the phone, around 95% of the time I can get them on the date.

That’s because, with a call, there’s more investment, more weight to it and with that, it builds more comfort. You hear each other’s voice and you’re in a conversational dialogue with her.

You can flirt with her and reinitiate the premise and narrative of you and her together as you did in person (something I teach extensively in The System).

She starts to remember what it was like meeting you. And you’re no longer just a bunch of text messages in blue (or green if you’re an Android guy).

Hearing your voice ties in with building trust. She feels that her safety isn’t at risk when she’s one-on-one with you. This is imperative.

Remember that you’re a lot physically bigger and stronger than the girl, and there could be a lot of risks entailed with being alone with you if she doesn’t know that you’re a good guy.

This is hardwired into women’s brains. If she flakes on a date, it might not be that she’s bitchy or that you’re low value; It might be that she doesn’t feel comfortable enough around you yet.

Here’s the problem though: Girls don’t always pick up the phone as they are too shy and nervous.

And calling her again and again can look try hard and needy in some circumstances. So there can be a bit of a challenge there.

But one I’ve figured out over years of trial and error…


If the girl is texting you long messages that require a big detailed response, then this is a sign that you should call her.

Period. The end. Pick up and dial within seconds if possible.

60-70% of the time this gets girls picking up my calls straight away.

If they don’t answer, then you can text back “Hey sorry, it was a lot to text’ and it doesn’t look like you’re qualifying yourself or trying too hard.

The other situation that gets them on the phone easily is if you’re texting back and forth rapidly and they’re typing, then pick up and call.

They know you know they’re on their phone, and so it would be weird if they didn’t pick up.

If you’re about to make plans with the girl (and she’s on board), that’s another good time to call.

Finally, you can also create the expectation that you will call them ahead of time.

When I message a girl, I might suggest ahead of time that I will call her. Something along the lines of: ‘Hey it’s Todd. It was nice to meet you. Please save this number so you can be appropriately excited for my call.’

That way, she knows that I’m probably going to call her and she can expect it.


Now I’m going to show you how to ask a girl out on a date over text message.

There are four categories of text that you’ll ever receive from women:

  1. Silence
  2. Shit test
  3. Logical & Platonic
  4. Positive

Every single text you’ve ever received falls under one of those four categories, or occasionally it will fall under a mix of two of them that are next to each other.

When You’re Getting Silence

If you’re getting silence, you need to “ping value into the void”. Essentially you’re sending her something low investment (on your part), but also light and funny.

If when getting silence, you send something that’s needy, or that requires an answer or an effort on her part, you’ve massively hurt yourself.

Most guys that don’t know game do this almost instinctually. Asking her questions and trying to get her out when she’s basically ignoring him.

However, if instead, you send something fun and interesting that doesn’t require a response, then 1) you’re more likely to get a response, and 2) if you don’t get a response it’s not a big deal.

So in terms of what I mean by ‘pinging value into the void’, I want you to think of it more like a social media update. Like a fun Instagram post or a tweet that you’d put out there.

Something which is low investment and funny: pictures of things you come across are great for this sort of thing.

Especially ones that provoke a reaction.

Dealing With Shit-tests

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, shit tests are a good thing.

If the girl is giving you shit tests, it means that she’s putting time and effort into responding to you.

The key thing with shit-tests is to just pass the shit test and that’s it. Again, do NOT try to make plans straight away.

So how do you pass the shit test?

Just the same as in person, the way you pass the shit test is to agree and exaggerate, reframe – those kinds of things.

I did a whole blog post on it here so check it out.

Most guys that don’t know game however screw up by failing the shit test.

But, assuming they do pass the shit-test, the next way they mess it up is by passing it and then asking a needy question. Or they pass the shit-test, but then immediately try to make plans.

That takes away the power of passing the shit-test!

The passing of the shit-test made you non-needy, but then by you trying to make plans straight away proves that you actually were needy in the first place.

So if you get shit-tests over the phone, just pass it, sweep it over with normal funny conversation, and then, later on, when the conversation is positive on her end, you can make plans.

When She’s Positive & Responsive

When the girl is responding to you positively, now it’s time to start making plans.

No, I didn’t say make plans, I said to start making plans. HUGE distinction.

With most guys, their way of making plans is “Let’s do drinks on Tuesday at this place.”

They’re so specific about a certain time when seeding the close and it’s so out of the blue.

That’s a big problem because 1) you haven’t even screened if she’s down for making plans and how into you she is, and 2) you don’t know her schedule, so it could be that even if she wants to meet up with you, she logistically can’t.

This is why most guys get an “I’m busy” response to this.

Or silence.

What I usually do when it comes to making plans is kind of a multi-step sequence. A lot of times, what it will look like is:

1) Qualify her – i.e  “Are you an adventurous person?”

2) A vague suggestion – i.e “What’s your view on drinks and witty banter?”

3) Close – i.e find out her schedule and then make plans.

So it’s a multi-step process, and each step gets you a little closer to the close, but it’s not just dropping the entire close all at once.

I’ve been doing this exact sequence for years and it still works wonders.

Steal it for yourself if you want, or better yet, use the structure to come up with your own method that fits your personality.

When It’s Logical And Platonic

Now let’s talk about this grey area which requires a little bit more finesse.

A lot of guys struggle when getting the logical and platonic conversational responses and questions, such as “how was your weekend?” or “how are you?”.

However, you need to view this as a positive, because she’s spending the time and energy to text you back. If she’s doing that, then she probably likes you.

Or is at least somewhat interested.

In these situations, you’re going to want to respond to the logical questions very briefly with a touch of fun/wit/flirting to break out of the platonic zone.

If the overall conversation between you has been bland, and you’re breaking out of the platonic zone, it may take a couple of texts to get it into a more positive flirty place, so bide your time with it.

From there, you can begin to make plans.


So now you know how to ask a girl out on a date over text or phone call.

Every single time you receive a text, you should know exactly where you are in the interaction and how to respond.

To recap, the four types of text messages are:

  1. Silence
  2. Shit test
  3. Logical & Platonic
  4. Positive

And once you get to number 4, you make plans and get her out on the date.

Just like with in-person game, you want to understand where you’re at in the interaction, and where you want to go.

That’s the key.



PS. One of the biggest things that determines the quality of a phone number is the interaction you had to get it.

Just getting a number isn’t enough.

To get solid numbers, you need solid interactions.

Something I talk about extensively in my flagship course,  The System

If you’ve been getting a ton of flakey numbers, or not getting numbers at all, it might not be the text game that’s the issue, but your actual game to begin with.

Sick and Tired of Not Seeing Results?

Get exclusive dating advice delivered straight to your inbox

Get FREE ACCESS to Todd's Secret Vault