Before I became a dating coach, I was a professional poker player. I played full-time for years, beat some of the biggest games in the world, and learned lessons that made me better not just at poker, but with women, business, money—and life itself.
Here’s one of the biggest: life is probabilistic. It doesn’t always reward you for doing the right thing in the short term. You can play your best hand and still lose. But over time, if you consistently make smart decisions, the results follow.
This applies to everything.
You might go up to ten women and strike out every time . . . then meet the love of your life on the eleventh.
You might eat clean and train hard for years, only to still get sick. That doesn’t mean those actions weren’t worth it. They were. You were just playing the long game.
And here’s another critical insight: winning is a skill.
Not just knowing how to play—but having the discipline to keep showing up, make the right choices, and not self-destruct. The best player doesn’t always win. The most consistent one does.
There’s also tilt.
Tilt is when you start letting past losses or future fears pull you out of the present. It destroys poker players—and it can kill momentum in your dating life, too. You get rejected once and it ruins your night. Or you have one good interaction, and you’re afraid to lose that high. Either way, you’re done.
The solution? Focus on the next decision. Not the last one. Not the one ten steps ahead. Just the next right move, right now.
You don’t control outcomes. You control actions.
If you keep making the right ones, consistently, you win the long game. That’s what poker taught me—and it’s how I’ve built success in every area of life since.
—Todd V
