One of the biggest dynamics in any interaction is this: there’s always one person screening and one person selling.
One person is chasing, and the other is being chased.
If you want to be in control, you need to make sure you’re not the one chasing. That means holding a frame where the woman is chasing you.
A great way to do this?
Steal the frames that women already use.
Think about some of the most common things women say when setting boundaries:
“I’m not that kind of girl.”
“I take things slow.”
“I don’t sleep with guys on the first date.”
Now, why can’t you, as a man, use the same frame?
There’s no rule that says you have to be the one pushing for sex—if anything, flipping the script puts you in control.
When I lived in Vegas and went out almost every night, I used this frame early—sometimes within minutes of an interaction.
I’d say something like, “I don’t think we should make the sex tonight. We should take it slow. I mean, we’re both attractive, but let’s not assume anything.”
This disqualifying would throw women off because they weren’t expecting it. It subtly communicated that I was the one setting the pace, not them.
Of course, context matters.
In a high-energy city like Vegas, this approach worked right away.
In a place like New York, I’d wait until the woman had shown some interest before introducing this frame.
As well as context, how you say it matters too.
The way I said “the sex” above, my tone was playful.
But you can also say something like “We won’t get along . . . anyway” in a very offhanded way, which is not playful at all, but aloof, another hot girl frame.
Aloofness can also make your disqualifying statements more powerful.
But no matter what, the point remains: control the frame, and you control the interaction.
This isn’t just about one line—it’s about your mindset.
Your value should be based on your own standards, not just superficial attraction.
Hot women are everywhere.
What really matters is whether she has the personality and qualities that align with you.
The moment you start screening her instead of chasing, everything changes.
So remember: don’t chase—be the prize.
-Todd V
