Is it possible that you’re acting too Alpha to be successful with women?
Surprisingly, the answer is yes.
Many guys have been misled about what being Alpha actually means.
The rigid, unyielding, never-give-in Alpha mentality often backfires, making interactions with women feel forced, awkward, and ultimately unsuccessful.
Take a recent student of mine, for example. He had everything going for him—looks, wealth, confidence.
He had also studied a lot of dating strategies, but he clung tightly to the belief that he must never bend for women.
While this mindset sounds masculine and strong in theory, it caused him to come across as rigid and even rude in real interactions. When faced with simple social compromises, like buying a girl a drink or giving a girl a ride to an event he was already attending, he hesitated—because he didn’t want to give in, to seem like he was “supplicating.”
In the real world, small gestures like these can move the interaction forward and lead to amazing experiences . . . as he later found out.
Not giving in, not supplicating is a principle, not a rule.
And there are three HUGE problems if you’re too firm and too rigid, too ALPHA.
- The truth is, being too firm on holding your frame makes you look try-hard.
A truly confident man doesn’t have to force his frame; he can relax, adapt, and still maintain control.
Real power comes from being able to set aside your frame momentarily without losing your sense of self.
Because if your entire persona collapses from one minor concession, you never truly had control in the first place.
- And really, game is about tradeoffs.
Every move you make balances value and comfort.
If you are so rigid that a woman never feels like she’s winning you over, she will eventually give up.
True Alpha men bring value AND share it without fear.
They create mutually beneficial interactions that both you and the girl enjoy.
- If you’re always winning, you’re actually going to lose overall.
If you’re so rigid and worried about holding your frame that you’re constantly pushing a girl away and she never sees a future with you, that there’s no chance you’re ever going to like her, she’s just going to give up.
Be high value, but let the girl gradually win you over.
If you never bend or break your frame, there’s no win for her.
But if all this isn’t Alpha, then what is?
A truly Alpha guy brings values to the table and shares it with those who are worthy. A girl brings unique value to your interaction, your relationship, that you can’t.
You can’t have a relationship without HER. You can’t have children without HER. You can’t have that wonderful feminine energy without HER.
And she can’t provide the things YOU can. It’s mutually beneficial.
So ironically, a huge part of being an Alpha is being secure enough in your abundance of value that you can share it.
The other thing is to have that value: have an interesting life, be in the gym, build your resources, have interesting experiences, be good in bed and care enough to be good in bed, and work on yourself.
So remember: being Alpha isn’t about refusing to give in—it’s about having so much value that you can share it while still maintaining your own.
-Todd V
