If you’re like most men, your interactions with women are probably baffling and mysterious. Most guys default to platonic, boring conversations about the weather because they are too terrified to show any sexual desire at all.
Inevitably, the interaction slowly peters out to nothing. On the other hand, the few guys who are bold usually become overly overt and aggressive, which completely creeps the woman out.
The secret sauce to attracting high-value women is creating sexual tension by showing interest without being needy or obvious. You achieve this through flirting and teasing—giving her a hard time in a lighthearted way regarding a potential relationship.
When a girl knows she can have a guy instantly, the suspense is dead. It is like knowing the ending of a mystery movie before it even starts. But when her interest is piqued and she thinks there is a possibility, she becomes excited.
You can execute this seamlessly by using a push-pull dynamic. Instead of calling her hot, say, “You’re cute. Fingers crossed you’re not crazy.” Or state it in the negative: “You and I are not sleeping together tonight.”
You are addressing the man-to-woman energy, but you are tempering it with playful ambiguity. This immediately sets you apart from the sea of nervous men who walk on eggshells around an attractive woman.
To keep your teases effective, you must land in the sweet spot between invisible and offensive. Never tease a woman on permanent attributes she cannot change, like her facial features. Instead, target choices she made tonight, like a funny outfit or a unique choice of drink.
Your delivery must be completely aloof and detached from the outcome. If you deliver a tease with a harsh, accusatory tone, you will terrify her. If you deliver it while visibly begging for a reaction, the frame shatters.
Mastering this requires calibration, which can only be achieved by taking real-world risks. Your evolutionary biology is literally wired to learn social feedback faster than anything else, but you have to get up and get the reps.
Accelerate this process by reviewing the interactions you had when you get home. Sit down and ask yourself exactly what your best teases were, where you pushed too hard, and what your core takeaways are for the next time you go out.
Sexual tension requires both pieces: the sexuality to show desire, and the tension to keep it a mystery. Drop the logical conversations, embrace the playfulness, and let her chase the solution.
—Todd V
