PART 1 OF 2: INVESTMENT
So often in game we’re constantly in our heads thinking about what to do…
Do more teasing.
Do more statements.
Do more push-pull.
We’re always thinking about what the next step is.
What does the interaction need?
What should I be doing?
What should I say?
Well, what if there was a way for you to know exactly where you were at in any given interaction?
And therefore know exactly what you needed to do to move it forward.
There’s two elements that are CRUCIAL to having any sort of solid interaction.
Every solid interaction needs them.
They are a NECESSITY.
I’ll be breaking these two elements down into two seperate posts, as I’d like to go over each one in detail.
As a result, you should have a much clearer understanding of how to know exactly where you’re at in any given interaction.
The first element is the INVESTMENT.
What is investment?
I’ve seen people get confused with this before, so I’d like to clarify.
Investment is any effort that’s put into an interaction in order to keep it going.
Understanding investment is crucial to knowing where you’re at in an interaction.
Think of it as a gauge, similar to the RPM gauge in a car.
Instead of it telling you how high the RPM is, it’s telling you exactly how interested the girl is.
Investment from the girl is an invitation for you to stay, and to often move the interaction forward.
This is why understanding investment is invaluable.
If you’re ever stuck, lost or unsure how good an interaction is going, then understanding investment is your saving grace.
So let’s dig deeper on this and go over what investment actually looks like in an interaction.
I like to break investment down to several different levels, which are the following:
1. Staying in the interaction without actively trying to leave.
2. Giving you a shit test or challenging you.
3. Adding extra details to the conversation, on top of the bare minimum.
4. Asking questions.
5. Qualifying herself or justifying herself to you
6. Touching or physicality from her
These are all different forms of effort that can be put into an interaction.
Familiarising yourself with them is important.
Basically, investment is the FIRST behaviour I’m looking for after I open.
How much is she investing?
If there’s little investment from her, gaining it is my first goal.
But don’t get too concerned with massive levels of investment straight away…
As long as she is standing there, not trying to leave, and contributing to some degree then that’s by all means okay.
Another aspect that goes hand in hand with these different levels is Passive Investment VS Emotional Investment.
How much EMOTION is she expressing?
How ENGAGED is she?
The amount of emotion and engagement can fluctuate throughout every level, and this is also good to be aware of.
Generally speaking though, the stronger the emotion, the stronger investment.
So when you’re standing there talking to a girl, you can start to become more aware of this.
If in the beginning she’s not investing in the interaction, your first goal should be to build more investment.
There are multiple different ways you can encourage her to invest.
And once again, just like different levels of investment itself, there are also levels to how you can encourage her to invest.
This one is simple, but often overlooked:
Be worth investing in.
This comes down to a lot of aspects that are well and truly in your control.
What I would consider being “Fundamentally Attractive”
Let me give you an example…
If a homeless man walked up to you, his clothes were torn up and dirty, he absolutely stunk, he had long hair and a beard that looked like it had never been groomed since the day he was born and he attempted to start a conversation…
How often would you stop in your tracks and start encouraging that conversation?
Barely ever would you be interested in talking to him.
You’re hairstyle, facial hair, clothes, vocal projection, tonality, body language, eye contact…
Are all aspects that are well within your control…
And if they’re all optimised, it’s going to MASSIVELY help present yourself in a way that people would be open to conversing with.
Presenting yourself in a way that’s fundamentally attractive is exactly how you can be worth investing in.
I promise you this makes a BIG difference, especially in the first few minutes of the interaction.
Carrying the weight of the conversation.
If you’re starting a conversation with somebody you need to accept responsibility for that conversation (at least in the beginning).
You shouldn’t expect a girl to open up and be instantly engaged from the minute you open your mouth.
You made the decision to start it.
You need to carry the weight until she’s decided that she wants to invest in that conversation.
This is the main reason why the ‘Interview Mode Questions” rarely lead to a solid interaction.
You’re placing all the weight on her.
Instead, making statements, assumptions and even telling stories are great ways to carry the weight in the beginning.
This will take a huge amount of pressure off her and help to encourage her to invest.
Leave enough silence to allow her to invest.
This may seem contradictory with carrying the weight of the conversation.
But in order for her to invest, sometimes you need to shut the fuck up.
If you’re just talking and talking and talking without any silence then how is anybody supposed to get a word in?
I’ve seen this countless times with student infields that I break down during the Online Coaching Program.
A lot of the time it comes from nervousness, so it’s completely understandable.
But sometimes you need to relax, and slow down.
Think of it like a juggling act…
You’re carrying the weight of the conversation, but leaving enough silence so she can get a word in.
Enough silence for her to get a word in if she wanted to, but not enough to create an “awkward silence.”
This is the sweet spot that you’re looking for.
Challenging or Playfully Teasing.
There are many benefits to adding this element into your interactions.
In fact, I wrote a whole article on it previously. (If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend doing so)
Challenging or playfully teasing adds a fun, flirtatious feeling to the interaction.
It helps to steer away from being a serious logical conversation.
It also elicits an emotional response, and makes it easier for her to be emotionally engaged.
On top of that, when done correctly, a playful “Push Away” creates space and is a great way to get her to qualify herself to you.
I’m a MASSIVE advocate for Playful Teasing, and if you aren’t already good at this I strongly suggest working on it.
Fifth and final:
An open ended statement or question is basically something that doesn’t require a “Yes” or “No” response…
Or any other simple one word response.
The purpose of it is to encourage the other person to elaborate more on topics instead of giving simple answers.
In other words…
It encourages them to invest.
For example, if you say:
“Do you like going to the club?”
It’s pretty easy for somebody to give a simple response.
However if you were to say:
“What’s your thoughts on the nightlife in this city?”
That type of question would encourage a more detailed, longer response.
Another example is instead of asking: “Do you like living in “X” city?”
You can ask: “What is it about “X” city that made you want to live here?”
This is basically asking for investment from her.
The type of responses you get from these questions help to give you an idea of how invested in the interaction she is.
Once you practise these and start to become more familiar with the patterns it will become clear for you.
So to summarise:
Different levels of investment are:
1. Staying In The Interaction Without Actively Trying To Leave.
2. Giving You A Shit Test Or Challenging You.
3. Adding Extra Details To The Conversation
4. Asking Questions.
5. Qualifying Herself Or Justifying Herself To You
6. Physicality From Her
And different ways to encourage her to invest are:
1. Be Worth Investing In
2. Carry The Weight Of The Conversation
3. Leaving Silences
4. Challenging/Playful Teasing
5. Open Ended Questions/Statements
Be sure to practice this next time you go out, and start to focus your awareness on her level of investment.
I’ve seen guys walk away from interactions that could have gone somewhere countless times…
Just because they didn’t understand this.
In Part 2 I’ll be going over the second GAME CHANGING element, so keep an eye out for it.
If interested in working with James, please book a call with our Program Consultants below: